Avoiding Breast Cancer

I’ve been avoiding writing about cancer. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it too. I chase it from my mind each time it dares to enter. With the fifth anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis just around the corner, I am finding it difficult to accept it ever happened to me. I’m in a weird delayed state of denial.

While walking her dog, my sister-in-law shared with me that five years after her lumpectomy she has a new and threatening breast cancer concern. Oh my god — not after five years. I asked her to let me know. In reality I don’t want to hear, not unless it turns out to be a false alarm. I love her, but don’t know how I would bear the news of a recurrence. A passerby changed the subject, asking the breed of her dog. I was relieved.

A few weeks ago I ran into Diane at the store. I spotted her hat but didn’t recognize her. I didn’t want to look in the direction of the pink ball cap that screamed, BREAST CANCER. When she called to me as we passed, I looked beyond her, scanning the far side of the pink, until Ed nudged me and pointed a mere three feet away. It startled me to realize the pink cap covered the head of my friend, her post-chemo hair starting to sprout. I carefully skirted the subject of cancer. We talked mostly about the pie in her cart.

Last week I had dinner with Karen, a survivor and friend who advocated for me to see the surgeon who did my lumpectomy. When our conversation moved towards breast cancer I deftly veered into another happier subject. She is going to be a grandmother.

This weekend I saw Darla Bardelli, a radio personality, professional angler, breast cancer survivor and advocate. She has been pounded by aggressive treatments for the past year. She sold me an Anglers Against Breast Cancer raffle ticket for a chance to win a new pink bass boat. I asked how she was doing, but could have done without an answer other than, good. It was not. I absolutely did not want to chat about cancer. I changed the subject to fishing, even though I haven’t fished for 30 years. A pink boat –
I hope my ticket isn’t drawn.

4 Responses to “Avoiding Breast Cancer”

1. Chemo Goddess on May 22nd, 2009 3:59 pm

   Debbie, I think if you won a pink boat I’d have to come out with you — it’s such a pretty color. I am ordering a pink laptop.

2. Debbie on May 26th, 2009 10:04 pm

   The boat is not only pink it is hot cammy pink with ribbons plastered all over it. I would think if a bass looked up and saw “that” he would beat his fins in a furry to get away from the PINK! It is something to behold and imagine it is a sight on the water. Funny to watch men eye the boat and shake their heads like it is a shame to have such femininity blazend upon such a fine man’s machine. Even though I am a diaper hanger at heart, not a stink potter, I promise you if I win the pink machine we will go for a wild ride to Humbug Cove before I can raffle the boat off again.

3. anotHer survivor on February 26th, 2010 6:44 am

   So – you don;t want to think about it or talk about it. how do you reconcile that with this page. Its an oxymoron.

   I was brilliant at not thinking about it for 4 years – and I am glad i was. The fact it came back anyway is just one of those things, but I am glad I didn’t waste the years between.

4. Debbie on March 26th, 2010 11:33 am

   You are right, I have a hard time reconciling this “survivor” page. Perhaps that is why I took some left turns to ramble on about misuse of plastic and sailing, not that I don’t have a passion for both but that was not the original intent for sailingthepinksea. Maybe I am just like you. I don’t want to wile away my precious time considering what could happen. I am a genius at not thinking about it. It serves no purpose.

   I do hope you do well and survive a second bout.

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